today, i am down. i've been teetering up lately... new break-up, new life changes, new trips, new friends- things have been roller coasting in my head since the new year. i think i've done good. but today...i don't know. it's grey outside. cold & rainy. shitty time at the post office. i've seen some things i didn't want to see, i've heard some things i didn't want to hear. i've been thinking waaay too much because i am in my head alot. every day. all the time. i feel like every bad and stupid thing i've done is creeping up on me..."..if i'da done this, would things be different?....if i'da said this, would that have made things better?"...i think about all the new differences...
i miss cooking with someone.
i miss lazy sundays with a partner in crime.
i miss getting to see my other dog all the time.
i miss the companionship more than the companion. i think.
i hate talking on the phone but my my quiet house has driven me to make calls. now i'm a phone talker.
my house is quiet all the time. there is no laughing...god, i miss laughing. there's noone there to say something funny, or call me 'cutie'. sometimes i just need to talk...to a human. george acts like he understands, but he can't talk back. he just gives me love. head on the knee...looking at me with those deep, understanding eyes. paw on the knee..now he wants some love. he asks so little.
george misses neko. they're partners in crime. they cuddle. they talk. they wrastle. they still get to do that from time to time...my small moments of companionship have been taken and stowed.
..................................
ahhhhh...and here come the cramps. it's all starting to make sense where this is all coming from. of the many gods, whichever one created premenstrualsyndrome-aholic-athon-ville, thank you for making it question your confidence and all around make you feel like absolute and complete shit.
to quote the emotional mullet, does this martini make me look fat???
time to deal.
i'm at work...and it's snowing!
...and it was good. and healthy.
ok...so yesterday was the not-so-appealing (but no less delicious) banana-mayo-nut combo. today is the deliciosuly delicious banana-peanut butter-raisin combo...drizzled with some local honey, mind you! this one is definitely more like dessert. 
ok, i know this sounds really gross and unappetizing, but for some odd reason my mom used to give me a snack of banana, smeared with mayonaise & coated with chopped salty peanuts when i was little. it was delish. i loved it. and it just came back to me recently, so I got a weird hankerin' today at work and thought i'd try it out....still good. surprisingly. it sounds like the most disgusting combo, but i kid you not, give it a try and you too shall see...it is good. i used a plethora of mixed nuts (almonds, cashews, peanuts, pecans) in place of just plane 'ol peanuts...but go nuts. 
i love how this stick figure looks petrified to pick up the dog poo...
Tiffany...pre-attack. 
rob & me & bohemian rhapsody... 
bar tabac....sighghghghgghhhhhh 
my organic steak & fries...i ordered steak!!! 
portland jess & the wall.
Purl fabrics..walls and walls of soft heaven.
Hope & Anchor in Red Hook-best karaoke ever!
Tif manning the machine... 
well, it's official...i just flushed all of my post new years/post break-up healthy habits down the sh*tter. 5 days of pure debauchery with my Brooklyn ladies has driven me to salads and apples for a week. im a huge water drinker.. thats pretty much all I drink with the exception of alcoholic drinks and the occasional glass of milk...however, it's next to impossible to keep alot of water on you whilst parading the streets of new york. i completely dehydrated myself for 5 days via nightly martini's and vodka tonics, not drinking enough water, and eating lots of delicious salty foods including, but not limited to olives, martinis, french onion soup, open faced goat cheese sandwiches with tapenade (droool) and the list goes on.
