Thursday, March 27, 2008

28 going on 28.

i feel like turning 28 - 2 years from 30 - means i should be achieving some sort of financial stability. struggles are expected, but i am in a constant monetary strain. living paycheck to paycheck...but scantily. i just had to borrow money from my ex...which was the last thing i wanted to do. i sure as shit don't want to be indebted to him. first i had to sink down and ask a friend...then borrow from the ex to payback the friend. who's pathetic??? (i'm raising my cowering hand)
what's this stereotype that i'm supposed to have my shit together my my late 20's???

28 doesn't bring me joy. or discouragement. just...blah. empty. depleted. forsaken. my exhausted mind has nothing to say about this. WAKE UP! STOP HITTING SNOOZE!

OK. so now...i figure out what 28 is. right now. this minute. 28 is all about moving on. saying "fuck you" to what the first 3 months of 2008 has divulged upon my table. putting no effort into the cynical, naysaying, pessimistic, weak-ass thoughts...no matter how tempting. being kind to myself. because i deserve it. and i guess having to do the cliche' thing that every freshly heart-broken dame has to do which is to...er...uh...."find myself"...ahhhhh, there i said it.
so now...onto making my home a happy home. turning that studio into the best arts and crafts hacienda known to woman. riding my bike. forgetting about my anorexic bank account. enjoying this bipolar weather and drinking bourbon on my patio when it's gorgeous out. letting the seductive wind creep through me...blowing away all lingering unpleasantness. outstanding goals???....i think not.

6 comments:

carolyn said...

amen to that sista! all of these goals sound attainable!

Bethany Hissong said...

I always think of my twenties as a total transition time... from one thing to another in everything I did. And I didn't have any money until my thirties, so quit being so hard on yourself!! Read "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and maybe it will give you some ideas on how to change that part. I always tell myself that when life stinks, that just means it's about to get really good again!
Thanks for your comment on my drawing... I looked up that album cover and you're right! I'm flattered that you compared my art to the cover. I hope I become that good someday. See... I'm 41 and I'm still saying the equivalent of "when I grow up, I want to...."!

Meghann said...

i'll ride bikes with you! and drink bourbon on the porch. that too. :)

chester copperpot said...

do you mean oustanding as in not good enough? or outstanding as in impossible to achieve? because i thought they were some pretty effing good goals.

april said...

you and that bourbon of yours--- man, gets me into text messaging trouble. but it sure is nice. can't wait to spend many lovely evenings on that porch soon.

kjosephinel said...

i'll ride bikes and drink bourbon at the same time with you!!! how 'bout that? yeah.