Thursday, March 6, 2008

the jist.

movement gives my mind some freedom.
stagnance makes me think.
employment makes me sit in front of a computer. tempted.
urging me to think. think. think.
who in the hell is really who they are?
why don't i keep myself busy?
do i want to avoid the distractions that are handed to me?
waiting? asking me to please join in?
is my glutton-for-punishment side making me despond?
keeping me from the hustle and bustle of life?
rejecting the urges to wake the hell up?
what's better? to centralize on the bad?
make myself insusceptible to future potential relations? become jaded?
or forget...stay busy...and then it will creep creep creep back up...at very unsuspecting times.
time can be suspicious.
i've mastered suspicious.
i've mastered misconjecture.
i've mastered unconfidence in what i know is true.
i was tricked...and i tricked myself. i tricked myself sumthin' fierce.

1 comment:

Bethany Hissong said...

I completely understand this. Don't think just because you find a guy that these things go away. Guys make the questions more complicated. But... there has to be a way to deal with things within ourselves so we're happy with what we're doing. Tell me if you figure that out...please! I think sometimes I'm just afraid of who I really am.