Monday. Overcast. 53 degrees. 28 years old.

feelin' good.
good party.
good friends.
good times.
s'mores and whiskey.
oh yeh.
my house is happy.

and i hate my last post.
ohhhh, the wishy-washiness of emotions.
im sure they'll continue to come and go.
for now--over it. done. finito. totally snaked.

it's crafting time, bitches.

28 going on 28.

i feel like turning 28 - 2 years from 30 - means i should be achieving some sort of financial stability. struggles are expected, but i am in a constant monetary strain. living paycheck to paycheck...but scantily. i just had to borrow money from my ex...which was the last thing i wanted to do. i sure as shit don't want to be indebted to him. first i had to sink down and ask a friend...then borrow from the ex to payback the friend. who's pathetic??? (i'm raising my cowering hand)
what's this stereotype that i'm supposed to have my shit together my my late 20's???

28 doesn't bring me joy. or discouragement. just...blah. empty. depleted. forsaken. my exhausted mind has nothing to say about this. WAKE UP! STOP HITTING SNOOZE!

OK. so now...i figure out what 28 is. right now. this minute. 28 is all about moving on. saying "fuck you" to what the first 3 months of 2008 has divulged upon my table. putting no effort into the cynical, naysaying, pessimistic, weak-ass thoughts...no matter how tempting. being kind to myself. because i deserve it. and i guess having to do the cliche' thing that every freshly heart-broken dame has to do which is to...er...uh...."find myself"...ahhhhh, there i said it.
so now...onto making my home a happy home. turning that studio into the best arts and crafts hacienda known to woman. riding my bike. forgetting about my anorexic bank account. enjoying this bipolar weather and drinking bourbon on my patio when it's gorgeous out. letting the seductive wind creep through me...blowing away all lingering unpleasantness. outstanding goals???....i think not.

my baby's havin' a baby

dad. a very pregnant kate. kate's boobs. mom. me.

sage fright

so, after this amazingly sunshiney & uplifting weekend i was all ready to get my bike tires pumped and ..... alas-today it is snowing after a 70 degree weekend. are we all about to become non...???...just non?
i had a good clean this weekend. opened all the windows. washed linens. aired out rugs and dog beds. made some indian food. did some sewing. visited the parents. shared some emotions. enjoyed martini's and a sense of accomplishment with a significant individual in my life. i feel i had a bit of a soul cleansing as well. im ready to get any negative feelings out of that house. my lovely dear friend katherine left a smudge stick on my door handle for me to do the ultimate home cleanse and purification. maybe this weekend...if it's not snowing and all. it'll most likely be warm. because i need it to be.

I'm gonna git you sucka...

organic vermont maple suckers with nuggets of organic delicious bacon??!!!...???!!!...
i'd suck that.

a little piece of warm & fuzzy

well...the past week has proven to be the worst days of my life...not like the soap opera...but like fer reelz yo...the worst. but somehow today i'm able to crack a smile.

leave it up to all my arty peeps out there to bring me some pure & utter joy. small things are cute, yes. but small things created by The Small Object are the best little things around. i think i need all of them. and she's got a cool blog too. quirky. and a foodie, like me!

also my friend Isvett up in long island city(represent!!) who shares my love for imbibing and devine nibbles bestow's her culinary outings (and innings) in Babysquid in the City. fruition for the brain and the palate, if you will...won't you?

the jist.

movement gives my mind some freedom.
stagnance makes me think.
employment makes me sit in front of a computer. tempted.
urging me to think. think. think.
who in the hell is really who they are?
why don't i keep myself busy?
do i want to avoid the distractions that are handed to me?
waiting? asking me to please join in?
is my glutton-for-punishment side making me despond?
keeping me from the hustle and bustle of life?
rejecting the urges to wake the hell up?
what's better? to centralize on the bad?
make myself insusceptible to future potential relations? become jaded?
or forget...stay busy...and then it will creep creep creep back up...at very unsuspecting times.
time can be suspicious.
i've mastered suspicious.
i've mastered misconjecture.
i've mastered unconfidence in what i know is true.
i was tricked...and i tricked myself. i tricked myself sumthin' fierce.

i juiced....

...and it was good. it lasted 5 minutes. 5 minutes of goodness. and then everything came back.